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My First night alone……

My first night alone in the hospital……………..

It was my first night away from my fiancé. My first night after a lot of months, that I didn’t have a big fat tummy. So I lied down to rest and watched television. Thankfully or my friends and family were text messaging me so I forgot about being alone & my little angel being in I.C.U for a while. When I finally finished chatted with everyone in the text messages, I then started chatting with the other two ladies who where in my room and were leaving the next morning. They had had little girls and they weren’t the first. The lady next to me had her second little girl and the lady facing me had her third daughter. They were nice but I was so jealous of them because they were leaving the next morning. I wanted to too. I wanted to go and get my little prince and take him back home with my fiancé and for us all just to be together……………but I knew inside of me that it wasn’t going to happening, My baby boy needed to stay in I.C.U for a few more days to get stronger.

As I was going to sleep the door opened and it was one of the midwifes bringing the ladies babies in for them to feed. I felt horrible at this moment. I was like okay wheres my newborn little baby????????????????

I felt like I was an outsided, like I was some little person who was just there watching everyone and like I didn’t have a reason to be there. I was watching how happy the mums where. The ladies were laughing and joking. I was smiling too but inside of me I felt hurt, full of worry, scared and lonely. I didn’t want to show or tell anyone this so I just smiled & told the ladies how beautiful their little girls were. After they had feed them the nurses came took them and we fell asleep but it felt like 1hour at the most they brought the babies back. So once again I had to sit there watching this two ladies cuddling and sweet talking to their babies. Don’t get me wrong of course I was happy for them and of course it was nice to see. Just not at this moment when I was feeling so bad and I couldn’t have my little prince with me in my arms to cuddle………….So as you guessed for the next 2-3hours I tried to sleep but as a dropped off they brought one of the little girls back saying that she was still hungry. So as you’ll all have probably guessed by now, I didn’t get any sleep that night. I had the excitement also of wanting to go to see my prince at 12pm…………………

The next morning at 7:30am the nurses came storming in our room opening curtains banging shouting ‘good morning, breakfast!’. I was like oh my word…………. What’s going on??? It didn’t help that I hadn’t slept at all. They then brought me a breakfast that was disgusting. My doctor had forgotten to tell them that I wasn’t diabetic anymore. So I didn’t eat it. I jumped in the shower and fixed myself with a little makeup and nice clean pajamas (I hadn’t brought any clothes with me). I wasn’t bothered though because all the other women were in their pajamas too. I was dressed from head to toe in pink it was quiet funny I was like a little Barbie doll.

Once I was ready I jumped back on the bed and watched television, I also had our laptop with us so I played games. I was waiting for my fiancé to come. So I was full of excitement at this moment, I just wanted to see him and get a big cuddle of him. He called me and told me that he would be here at around 10- 10:30am but time pasted and it was 12pm and he still wasn’t here. So I called him and he told me he had arrived. When he came upstairs to my room he was with one of his mum’s really good friends. She’s like a auntie to him, were will be staying in her house when we get out of the hospital and that’s where my fiancé is staying now. I was so happy just seeing him and having someone else coming to see me and being happy for us.

As I said before I felt alone because I didn’t have my family & friends with me they were all back in England and it was hard. Anyway we went downstairs to see our new baby boy……….

He was even more beautiful than last night when I had seen him. My feelings felt stronger, all I wanted to do was get him in my arms and never let him go. He was my new baby son and I felt like someone wouldn’t let me enjoy him like I should have been. But then on the other side I kept thinking he’s better off in here with all the doctors looking after him.

Anyway my doctor had arrived to see him too. He also told us that he had spoke with the baby’s doctor who had told him that our little prince is on a good road of getting stronger fast also that all we can do is sit tight and keep praying. So that’s what we did…..